Ski Holidays Gone Bad
or: What Happened When Others Weren’t Expecting
Skiing, as you may know, can be a dangerous sport. Most of the time, a wipe out leads to a yard sale (when your ski gear spreads out over the slope after a wipe out) and everyone is OK and laughing—a bruised tail bone or ego is all you go home with that day. Others, however, have had more traumatic experiences, though often still humorous. As long as someone doesn’t have to be flown home in a casket, I think you can always find a little amusement. At any rate, I’ll add some of my own (and others’) ski holidays that had a unexpected twist. If you got any slapstick ski stories to toss in, then by all means tell me about them here. (We’ll take a vote in about a month to see who gets the best “Gone Bad Ski Trip” award for 2009.)
Took My Girlfriend Out:
This is one of my own stories, one where I play the protagonist and by girlfriend the antagonist—though she may still see it differently. Neither of us are expert skiers. We stick to the easy and intermediate slopes and become experts when it comes to the resort food and late night drink-fests. Anyway, we were skiing in Courchevel in France in the Les Trois Vallees and both took to the slope at the same time.
I am, of course, crazier than she, so I was zigzagging, trying to show off. My girlfriend was pretty much bee-lining straight for the bottom. Instead of either going behind or in front of her, as we both caught some nice speed, I ran straight into her. “How does a person who weights 72 kg (~165 lbs) take up the space of a bear? You are a Manimal,” she often tells me at least thrice per day. That day, my bearness was out of control. When I said “Took my girlfriend out” above, I didn’t mean to fine dining and a movie. I mean, actually, that I took her legs out from underneath her body. I was Superman-ing downhill while she was on her back, sliding down backwards, legs up in the air—kid you not—like a turtle! We slowed down and I got a beating of a life time; I think she even kicked me in the ribs. Save for a few bruises and scrapes, we didn’t really feel hurt until the next day when we had to shower in hot water for twenty minutes in order to walk straight. Girls have a funny way of getting even over a very long time, but I won’t go there now…
Check Out Her Rack:
Though this is something you might say to your buds over sipping some brewskies, unfortunately, I’m neither talking about fun bags, jugs nor knockers. This story will be much quicker, because conversations about melons never end. At any rate, my two friends Sheila and Bart had just gotten back from a ten day ski holiday in Italy. Bart retold with hilarity how in Livigno, Italy, to be exact, Sheila had somehow managed to get her ski pole forcefully, aptly and firmly between her legs. Apparently, Sheila lost some control after rushing down a pretty intense blue slope and in an effort to (stop?, keep balance?, keep going?) gain control, she got her ski pole stuck in the frozen ground in front of her. In one single motion, she ended up with the ski pole racking her between the legs. When she came to a stop, according to Bart, she laid holding her bruised nether-regions for several long minutes. Shelia told me later that the worst was how Bart kept laughing at her, not helping her one bit. She eventually got up and started beating Bart on his back. They were equally bruised when they got to their hotel that night, I (without asking) understood.
Now, it’s your turn to add your ski vacation story that went for the worst:
Ouch, you told some painful stories here. I’m surprised your girlfriend didn’t break up with you after that sort of accident. I’m sure she gave you hell for several weeks after that too. I think you are the one that got hurt more in the long run…ha! My funny story isn’t so bad. I once slipped off the chair lift but was only 3 meters or so from the ground, luckily. I’ve had plenty of my own yard sales, too. My friend once did a Sonny Bono into a tree but didn’t get as badly hurt. Trees are probably the most dangerous obstacle on any ski slope.
To make these worsts the girl always wins in the end because she can do the longest stresses on the relationship. She can withheld her womanhood and the guy will have to wait until she feels better—so the girl wins over the long time I think. Anyway, I’ve never hitted my self on the ski poles but once my cousin and myself skiing in Paganella here in Italy. She is much migliore (best) than me at making the skiing but we skied to-gether (insieme).We both went over the small mogul and she landed on top of me with many people watching. It no hurted very too much but it was funny when two skis slid down too far and into the trees.
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